Heartbeat
by silverwolf-fox
Summary: ONESHOT! After the Chuunin Exams, Gaara was faced with a dilemma: he needed to feel alive but no longer knew how to fill the emptiness in his heart. After an offhand comment by his brother, Gaara finds a new way to connect with his own humanity as well as his siblings by sharing heartbeats. Story with sand sibling focused fluff.


**When the inspiration tanuki attacks, you gotta write it.**

 **It's been a long time since I wrote anything Naruto related, so I hope y'all enjoy!**

* * *

Gaara was in pain. For the first time in his life, he was lying in a hospital bed with the white, sterile sheets pulled up to his shoulders and his gourd propped up against the wall beside him. The dry warmth of the air informed him that they had returned to the desert. Every inch of his body ached, and he wondered if this was how others felt when they got injured.

It was an uncomfortable feeling.

Cracking open his eyes, Gaara waited a moment to let his blurry vision clear before focusing on the two figures sitting in the room with him. Attempting to lift his head gave him a headache and indicated his body was still exhausted, so he withheld a growl and dropped it back onto the stiff pillow. When he began to shift, his elder sister, Temari, jumped from her seat but didn't come any closer.

They never did.

"Gaara! How are you feeling?" she asked, hesitating by the foot of the bed. His teal eyes locked onto hers, and he realized that he didn't like the shiver that ran through her.

"I am in pain," the redhead replied flatly.

He heard a snort from across the room before the face of his older brother came into view. Kankuro's face was miraculously unpainted but set in a frown. The clear skin was an unwelcome reminder of how similar in appearance his brother was to their late father.

"Well you did get beat up by a giant toad the other day." The middle child's sarcastic attempt at humor received a silent stare in response from both siblings. The two older ninja watched as Gaara struggled to move his hand until it clutched his chest beneath the sheet.

"That isn't what hurts," he said. Rather, the physical pain wasn't what mattered. A wound to the heart is what Yashamaru called it. There was an emptiness. "I wish to feel alive." Temari and Kankuro froze, wide-eyed, knowing what the young red head normally did in these situations. Their stiffened forms waited, both mentally preparing for the possibility that they may need to fight off their injured little brother. Gaara continued to speak as if unaware of the danger his siblings feared, "But I do not feel the urge to take another life in order to reaffirm my own."

The redhead decided to push himself into a seated position, ignoring the stiffness in his limbs and the popping of his joints. Tendrils of sand rose to assist him up. The bed sheet fell to pool around his waist while he was forced to hunch over as his arms shook from the strain of holding himself up after the sand dissipated.

"Am I alive?" Gaara posed to them.

"Y-yes, Gaara," Temari replied, nerves causing her to stammer. The expression adorning him was unlike anything she had ever seen before. Instead of a cold, simmering anger, all she saw was a lost little kid that didn't know what to do anymore.

"How can I tell?" From anyone else, such questions would be rhetorical or even said in jest, but neither of them were stupid enough to laugh at the demon vessel. At least, Temari had assumed so.

"Why don't you try feeling your own damn pulse," Kankuro snarked. The blond glared at the puppeteer, silently promising to kill him herself if Gaara didn't do it first.

However, instead of threatening his brother, Gaara appeared almost thoughtful, as if the idea had never occurred to him. Lifting his hand, he pressed two fingers under his jaw, his expression curious, and his black rimmed eyes widened when he felt the pulsing artery beat an accelerated, timely rhythm.

The world around him faded into the background as his entire being suddenly felt defined by the _thump thump_ beneath his skin.

He sensed another presence enter the room. Brought out of his thoughts, Gaara faced the nurse which caused her head to drop to the chart she carried in order to avoid his eyes. Her information was obvious; that as his chakra reserves refill, he will heal faster. Though, this isn't necessarily true. In a normal situation he would have already been healed, but Shukaku was preventing the process. Most likely as a bratty form of protest for having lost against Naruto Uzumaki.

The only useful thing the nurse told them was that he should be fine to leave the next day.

~I~

Breakfast was tense, Temari and Kankuro watching their youngest sibling slowly and quiety eat. Now that Gaara had been released from the hospital, they were attempting to get back into their daily routines. Awkwardly tapping his fingers on the table, the middle brother cleared his throat.

"I need to go pick up an order at the weapons shop before training," Kankuro informed them.

"I'll let Baki know," Temari replied, give a brisk nod of her head. "Can you grab me a pack of senbon while you're there?" Teal eyes watched the two older ninjas as they discussed weapon needs and possible training plans for the coming week.

When they had all finished eating, and Temari was picking up their dirty dishes and placing them in the sink, Kankuro stood and slung the wrapped Crow over his shoulders. He was turning to leave when Gaara rose to his feet and spoke up.

"I will go with you." The brunette froze and looked over his shoulder to see the red head pulling on his sand gourd.

"W-well, you don't have to," nervously laughed, Kankuro, but Gaara continued to blankly stare at him. When he glanced at Temari, she was staring back and flicking her eyes to Gaara and back to him, raising an expectant eyebrow. "Um, right, then we should get going otherwise Baki's gonna yell at us...me," he said, correcting the idea that anyone would raise their voice to the dangerous One Tail Jinchuuriki.

Gaara was still silent but waited expectantly for his brother to lead the way.

Even though it was morning, the dry desert air had quickly heated and warmed the brothers' cheeks as they walked outside. A faint breeze dusted sand across their clothes, though Gaara didn't even notice the extra layer of grit.

Villagers were about in the streets, several in the process of opening their shops while others were hoping for an early morning shopping trip. Many of them stopped and stared when they passed by, some quickly hiding within their stores to avoid his gaze.

There was nothing new in the way the people around him reacted, but this morning Gaara couldn't stop recognizing that look of fear and distrust. It was irritating. Whenever his eyes would make contact with another, their entire form would flinch away. His throat rumbled in the beginnings of a snarl, anger making his blood begin to boil, but he suddenly jolted and the feeling dissipated.

Feeling along the carotid artery beneath the jaw, Gaara narrowed his eyes at the speeding pulse. He increased his pace until he was side-by-side with his brother, and then grabbed Kankuro's wrist to press his two fingers against the relaxed beat. They stopped walking while Gaara closed his eyes to avoid seeing the judgemental expressions around him and breathed deep.

It took a few moments, but with each breath his pulse calmed down until it felt the same as Kankuro's. The demonic fury died down, and he once again felt human.

"It's the same," Gaara muttered to himself. When his wrist was released, Kankuro stared wide-eyed, unsure how to react, but Gaara said nothing, instead turning to continue down the street. Though the stares didn't stop, he felt more at peace after sharing Kankuro's heartbeat.

A few others had decided to stop by the weapons' shop. As each of them noticed the sons of the late-Kazekage, they quicked to buy their tools and leave. Despite the reprieve from the sun, the store was hot and dusty.

Gaara meandered about, looking over some of the kunai and trip wire while Kankuro went to speak to the clerk. When he looked over, his brother was leaning over the counter and talking to the young woman. His eyes narrowed in curiosity, wondering why Kankuro was smiling so much and putting himself in such an unbalanced position.

On the other side of the room were the senbon that Temari had asked for, so he grabbed some in time to see Kankuro exchanging money for various sized saw blades.

"Kankuro," Gaara said, sternly. Instead of being startled or frightened like usual, the puppeteer sighed and frowned in the direction of the Jinchuuriki. Almost as though he was frustrated, which confused Gaara since he had already paid for and received the blades he wanted. Stepping closer, he held out the pack of needles.

Kankuro's eyes widened slightly but gratefully took the senbon before returning to smile at the girl.

"Kankuro," he said again. When his exasperated brother turned back he found Gaara's teal eyes glancing off to the side. After a moment's hesitation, the red headed brother held out a packet of kunai knives. It wasn't a weapon he actually had much experience with, since his sand had always been all he needed, but maybe it'd be interesting to learn.

Gaara risked looking towards the others and saw a surprised look from Kankuro and a soft smile from the woman. The moment the weapons were taken from his hand, he turned away to allow his face to stop burning under their gazes. Kankuro bought the senbon and kunai and then the two of them had to leave to go to training.

While walking down the street, the wrapped package under the elder brother's arm while the younger one carried the smaller tools, they were both silent. Kankuro observed out the corner of his eye, grinning at his younger brother, and Gaara surreptitiously pressed a finger to his wrist to feel the steady, humanizing beat.

~I~

Sweat drenched his brow when the One Tail Jinchuuriki shot out of his bed, chest heaving deep breaths. Despite being an insomniac, even Gaara had to sleep occasionally, which opened his mind to the horrific visions thrust upon him by the demon that prowled inside him.

Night still reigned outside, and the glimmering half-moon illuminated the loose grains of sand covering the floor and his bed. In his fitful sleep, they must have been reacting to the intense violence within the red head's mind. He pressed a hand to the side of his head and grimaced at the rumbling voice laughing at him.

The blood. The screams. Feeling the sand surrounding him, hardening into the large tanuki form. Large claws slicing into the flesh of the weak and burying them all within an unending sand storm. He felt strong. Powerful. Alive.

 _Beast._

 _Demon._

 _Monster._

"I'm not," Gaara choked. Not anymore. That wasn't what he wanted. The nightmare left the copper tang of blood in his mouth, and sand had formed a layer of grit inside his mouth. Pain clenched his chest and made it difficult to breathe. A single, furious tear swelled in the corner of his eye, and his jaw clenched. He gripped his shirt over his heart. The pain in his heart was back.

 _Unwanted._

 _Alone._

A rock settled in his stomach when he glanced around the darkened room, rarely used by himself and in which no one else dared to enter. It was more like a storage space for his clothes and ninja tools. Feeling along his wrist, the staggering beat of his pumping blood jumped against his fingers. Crawling out of his bed, Gaara sat on the edge and put a hand on the large gourd he always kept nearby. The chakra infused sand pulsed beneath his hand. It was a part of him, but the mixture of his and Shukaku's chakra energies only served to quicken his blood and make him shiver.

Instead of getting dressed and leaving to wander the village rooftops as he normally did while everyone slept, Gaara remained in his loose shirt and pants and left his defensive weapon by the wall. There was not much need of it inside within Suna, except that it was able to react faster to his needs. But tonight he had no plans to leave the Kazekage's home.

He silently padded down the hall before coming across a door he slowly opened without knocking. It silently swung open. Amidst the darkness, he could make out a figure in the middle bed. Gaara walked over and stared down at his eldest sister for a moment as she slept. Her face was relaxed, and her blonde hair spilled messily onto the pillow beneath her.

She didn't shift when he pulled back the covers, the bed dipping as he kneeled beside her. His eyes traced the trail of goosebumps that rose along her forearm as it was exposed to the chilly desert air. Gaara gently grabbed her by the wrist so that his index and middle fingers landed across the pulsing artery. It was obvious when his sister woke up by the way her entire body tensed, and the blood pumped faster, beating a harsher tempo against his fingers.

Temari stared at her younger brother, fear widening her eyes at the shock of being woken up in the middle of the night to find someone else sitting on her bed. Gaara calmly returned her gaze. He noticed her throat bob and a restrained flinch when his other hand lifted. Instead of creating a threat, his fingers pressed against his carotid artery.

The fast beat he felt was close in time with hers, but as he stayed there, feeling the pumping blood, Temari began to calm down and hers pulsed slower, one for every two of his.

"We're the same," he stated, noting the spike in her pulse in response to his monotone voice. Unsure of what to say, or even if she should reply at all, Temari cautiously nodded her head. Gaara hummed thoughtfully and shifted until he was lying next to her, keeping her wrist locked in an iron strong hold. There was no hope that he would sleep any more, but the steady, matching _thump-thumps_ against his fingers relaxed him.

However, the position wasn't as comfortable for Temari, regardless of the tense situation. Moving slowly to make sure he wasn't startled, she guided Gaara into a better spot. Curious of what she was doing, and knowing that he could easily kill her should she attempt anything nefarious, he allowed her to move him.

When she was pulling the covers back over them, the insomniac found his head resting against her chest. Her sleeping kimono had widened open at the top leaving smooth skin to warm his cheek. His brow furrowed slightly, confused, until a slight movement pressed his ear to the soft flesh above her breast, and he heard the soft, echoing _ba-dum ba-dum_ of her heartbeat. Gaara took a deep, calming breath, feeling Temari do the same, and wrapped an arm over her waist to keep him in position. The other curled so he could twist his fingers in his tan shirt above where his own heartbeat had to be.

It had slowed down to match his sister's.

Long after he felt her fall asleep, Gaara lied there and let the rhythmic beating by his ear keep his own steady. The body he was curled against shifted, and he tensed when arms circled his torso and tightened to hold him close. Based on her relaxed breathing and pulse, he knew Temari was still asleep.

Gaara was uncomfortable, having never been hugged like this except by Yashamaru when he was a child, but he couldn't help but acknowledge that it felt sort of nice. Knowing she was asleep and that he'd be gone before she woke up, he forced his body to relax into the warm embrace. His head unconsciously snuggled to get more comfortable, making sure that he could still hear her heart.

"I'm tired of being alone," he whispered to himself.

"You don't have to be anymore." Gaara's breath caught when he heard his sister's voice, having been certain that she was asleep. Her arms loosened when his muscles tensed up, and she waited to see what he would do. When he chose to press himself closer to her, Temari smiled and resumed holding him, though this time she raised a hand to stroke his hair like their mother used to do for her.

~I~

By sunrise the next morning, Gaara was sitting atop the roof of the Kazekage's Tower. Temari had stayed up running her fingers through his hair for awhile but eventually fell back into the thralls of sleep. He didn't mind, though. He twisted a lock of red hair between two fingers and wondered if that's what it would have felt like had his mother not passed away giving birth to him.

The sun climbed over the horizon and bathed Gaara's face in an orange glow. Light reflected off of the desert beyond the village walls and caused the sand to glitter. It had never occurred to him before, but it was a pleasant sight.

It was calming.

He stood and took one last long look at the sunrise before using his sand to teleport back to his bedroom. From there he walked down the hall towards the kitchen but stopped in the living room when he saw his older brother reclining on the couch, eyes closed.

Years of training had Kankuro cracking open his eyes when he sensed someone nearby, despite Gaara's silent footsteps. Their eyes met, neither sure what to say if anything, but they were spared when an arm wrapped around Gaara's chest and a pair of lips pressed against his cheek. Temari let go of him, having hugged him from the side to get around the large gourd, and tentatively smiled at the surprised look her youngest brother now wore.

"Good morning, boys."

Black rimmed eyes widened and even his mouth fell open. In confusion, Gaara looked at his older brother for an explanation while their sister playfully flicked Kankuro in the forehead and continued on to the kitchen. The puppeteer got up and walked over. A heavy hand dropped onto the young ninja's head, lightly ruffling his hair.

"I'd just let her do what she wants. It's easier that way." With that poor explanation, Kankuro smirked and followed Temari.

Still frozen in place, Gaara's gaze trailed after his siblings. They had never initiated such casual contact before. His fingers sought the artery below his left thumb and felt a calm, steady beat.

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 **I love big sister Temari. The idea of her cuddling Gaara after he fails to sleep is so adorable! And Kankuro would probably be the brother you love but sometimes want to punch.**


End file.
